so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
