Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
