Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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