I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
