he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
