i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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