Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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