Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
