You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
