It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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