he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
