Christians are straight up FREAKS
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
