dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you win again, gameday.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize