they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
