dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
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NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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