You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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