she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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