I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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