So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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