i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
