Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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