I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
