My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
