where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
