your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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