found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
