In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
