Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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