is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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