Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
