In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
