Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
