Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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