Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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