Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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