butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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