can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
nutella sex= disaster
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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