When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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