i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
