I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
