This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
