How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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