did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
