I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
