I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
