Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
