just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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