If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
