I hate all girls vehemently.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
