Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
