i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
