I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
