i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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