i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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