This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
