You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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