I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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