I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
