i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
