Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
