It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
