There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
