You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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