I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
