i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
