In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
