I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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