I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize