He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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