I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
