im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
