Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
