put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
