My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
