The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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