everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
