I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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