I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?