At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup