You're completely useless in the revolution.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.