Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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