dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
